zeldathemes
What the library staff WISH they could get away with saying
Things the Library Staff Wish
thetargetbreakroom:

Whether idiot coworkers, stupid management, or just plaid asinine guests…

thetargetbreakroom:

Whether idiot coworkers, stupid management, or just plaid asinine guests…

kldzbop:

kldzbop:

somebody give me a pep talk

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inspirational

speculationspectrum:

Unlikely Lines To Hear In Doctor Who

tonydinozzos:

i was just showing my mom how to paste something into her text message on her phone and i was like “double tap in the the text box” “the text box” “the text box” and she was just pointing to random places on her screen that weren’t the text box and all i could think of was

image

angrycashierchick:

lotrlockedwhovian:

I WANT THIS AT WORK

Can we have this at my store?

angrycashierchick:

lotrlockedwhovian:

I WANT THIS AT WORK

Can we have this at my store?

I made you a song

billba:

As one of the stretch goals for our Library Ranger Badges Kickstarter I promised to write and record a library anthem. I made this, essentially a pastiche of Unshelved comic strips in musical form.

I wrote the lyrics and music, sang the words, and played the tenor ukulele. I am releasing the song (and this recording) under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA license, because i know people can do wonderful and terrible things with it, and I want to hear them all.

I had promised a duet with Rita Meade a.k.a. @ScrewyDecimal, and indeed she was kind enough to make a recording with me when I was in Brooklyn in May. She sang like the angel she is. Sadly I am a musical newbie and really messed up the recording. We still hope to sing together again one day, but since I was under deadline I turned to my friend/teacher Eli Rosenblatt to produce this recording:

Eli Rosenblatt is a Multi-Instrumentalist, Performer, Producer and Composer based in Seattle, Washington, USA. His music spans the globe, incorporating sounds from the Americas to Cuba to Eastern Europe to Africa and beyond. Performance calendar, music, video and more info @ www.elirosenblatt.us

Gene Ambaum provided moral support in the form of not getting involved. Major thanks to the anonymous fanperson who bought me the wonderful ukulele I played here. Look - I did something fun with it!

I have a clever plan for a video. Stay tuned.

Like the looks of those badges? We still have a (rapidly diminishing) supply for sale here.

Here are the lyrics, along with how to play it:

What Can I Help You Find Today?
by Bill Barnes (http://bill.barnacle.org)
Some Rights Reserved (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0)

C          /                     G            /
  Where is the bathroom 'cause I need to take a bath
F              /             G          /
  Please do my homework now, especially the math

C         /       /      G           /       /
  What is the capital of London, is it France?
  G        F           /            /     G      /          / / (then mute)
  Will you show me how to teach my dog to do a sexy dance?

                             C / \ / \  G / \ / \ F / \ / \ / G
  What can I help you find today?
             /               C
  What can I help you find today?

         /           /
  I want to get divorced
    G            /      /
  I need to find a wife
F           /        /
  Where can I rent a horse
    G           /       /
  I need to get a life

C           /           /        G           /
  Where are my parents' parents' parents' parents from?
  G       F              /          /      G         /          / / (then mute)
  Help me find out which disease I have by measuring my thumb.

                             C
  What can I help you find today?
               G
  I don’t have all the answers
F                 G
  But I know just where to look.
C            G
  Online or in a database
     F          /    /  G    /    /   /          /    /  /    /     / / (then mute)
  We might just find it in a book! (I might just find it in a book)

                             C
  What can I help you find today?
            /             /      G             /       / 
  Where are the tax forms if you don’t like paying tax
F        /            /      G           /      /
  I want to send this 8 inch floppy disk by fax

C        /      /        G           /       
  I need a photograph of Moses, make it quick
  /        F             /     /        G           G         /
  Standing right next to a dinosaur, or Jesus, take your pick

C              G
  I don’t have all the answers
F                 G
  But I know just where to look.
C         F
  In a forgotten archive
     /          /    /  G    /    //         /     /   /    /     / /    /     / /    /      // (then mute)
  We might just find it in a book!  (I found my answer in a book!) (in a book!) (in a book!) 

                             C
  What can I help you find today?
     /     /
  La la la la
  G  /     /
  La la la la
  F  /     /  G
  La la la la la

  (repeat until library closes)
stunningpicture:

I like the way you think, Coke.

stunningpicture:

I like the way you think, Coke.

Read More

Adventures in a public library

Staff: *spies the entire reference department gathered around one spot in the reference stacks* Hey why are we all--oh, god, is that what I think it is?
Co-worker 1: As long as you don't think it's chocolate.
Staff: I don't even know where to start.
Co-worker 2: Me neither.
Co-worker 3: They didn't cover this in library school. There was not a course called "Dealing With Biohazards and Human Excretions 101."
Staff: Have you called down to [manager]?
Co-worker 1: They're not in their office.
Staff: ...I'm gonna go ask one of the children's librarians what to do.
Co-worker 2: Why?
Staff: There's a high probability that they've dealt with this in the children's room.